Shallow Living: An Occasional Visit on the Way to a Deeper Purpose

Here in the States, we’ve become a culture that looks more and more outside of ourselves to “know” who we are. Social media hasn’t really helped us work through this skewed value system. In fact, in 2017 research by First Choice revealed that more than three-quarters of today’s youth would like a career in online videos as YouTubers/bloggers/vloggers, according to a survey of 1,000 children aged 6 to 17. The top reasons being: creativity, fame, self-expression, money, connecting cool people, recognition, travel. While it’s good to access one’s own creative nature and self-expression, it seems to be at the expense of altruism, service to others and a greater, deeper purpose.

The problem with such superficial goals is that they don’t really hold up over time. No matter how hard we may work to seem successful, to show how “perfect” everything seems from the outside, something will still be missing. That’s because approaching life from the “outside-in”, one can never really fill-up. You will constantly be chasing that next new thing, thinking it’s going to be the thing that makes you more happy, more successful, more wealthy, etc.

Approaching life from the position of “inside-out”, though, is quite different. This is the place where you slow down and take a moment to reflect about yourself and the world. It’s the time when you look outside of the box to see the truth of what is, not some prescribed script of a societal norm. But how do you get to that higher place within Self? How do you begin to transform from being focused on the external world to your authentic inner Self?

Transformational practices will bring you closer in to a deeper existence. They can take many forms. These include consistent contemplative practices like meditation and yoga, somatic therapies, time in nature, creative arts, healing ceremonies and ritual, devotional prayer, and non-violent martial arts, like tai chi and aikido. These practices embody the virtues of compassion, loving-kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, altruism, honesty, and joy, seeing the bigger picture and being connected to a higher divine force.

As we begin to take on these practices, we begin to challenge the long-held belief systems. This new way of seeing outside of the status-quo and stagnation, can bring up some challenging feelings. It may feel like a big risk, but then anything that is worth moving us out of the safe zone and transforming our lives in the highest good, always is.

Mostly, whenever we step outside the familiar, and the comfortable, we take a healthy step forward. Letting go of the old self as the new one emerges, is truly part of the cycle of life. We weren’t meant to play it safe and constantly be distracted in an artificial world. That’s not why we are here. We are meant to grow bigger and grander within the divine Light through the deeper exploration of and healing of Self. This is a risk worth taking, don’t you think?

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Tanya Vallianos, MA, LPC, ATR, NCC, EMDR III, EAP II is a psychotherapist in private practice in Fort Collins, CO. She can be reached at www.innersunhealingarts.com or 970-420-9504.

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Leave It To Beaver Medicine

Beavers are ingenious builders, constructing huge dams that can change the course of entire rivers and creating new tributaries that bring water to nature areas that are in need of nourishment. Beaver is a primary aspect of keeping our ecosystems in checks and balances. Her association with water makes Beaver an analogy for our ability to build our own dreams to come true. Beaver tells us to build on them as if the dream is already real. Change the course of how things flow in our lives by bringing organization and structure in meeting goals, and thus coaxing our dreams into physical reality.

Beaver represents hard work. The dams that Beaver builds are sometimes eight feet tall and span across entire bodies of water. This kind of accomplishment doesn't happen overnight, nor does it happen by just wishing it to completion. Beaver’s message is, “you must commit to and work diligently towards your goal, otherwise it will not come to fruition.” But within the hard work, Beaver still finds balance in her life and is flexible with how the course runs. Beaver does not ignore spending time with family and commits to building friendships as well. Despite Beaver’s high motivation toward goal-keeping, she knows when to have fun and when to rest.

When we pay attention to Beaver's behavior and characteristics, we can compare or associate those features to our own behavior. By doing so, we can match up, mimic, or employ beaver qualities in our own lives with a goal to stimulate natural and lasting solutions for ourselves. For example, if we are "stuck" in our lives, a little meditation on Beaver Medicine may show us how to "chew" through the barrier on our path. Working with animal meanings and animal totems also helps us move into a natural cycle of life, which is always an excellent guide to finding solutions.

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Tanya Vallianos, MA, LPC, ATR, NCC, EMDR III, EAP II is a psychotherapist in private practice in Fort Collins, CO. She can be reached at www.innersunhealingarts.com or 970-420-9504.

You’re Unique. It’s Time to Own It!

How many of us were told that we couldn’t or shouldn’t dance to our own music? It’s important to ask yourself: Are you making life choices based on your own wants, beliefs, and values? Or are you living a life based on the expectations of others and/or societal values?

Finding your own unique rhythm can take time and involve a lot of trial and error. Being in touch with what you want and what matters to you helps you plan the path forward, make goals and ultimately get where you want to go. Discover what is true for you by asking yourself the following questions: What really lights me up? What are my passions? What matters most to me? From here you can find real purpose and personal power – your own brand of music that will fulfill you from the inside out.

Find it, claim it, express it, and live it. Never give up on yourself. You are who you are. Make the commitment, honor it and use it in it’s highest good. From here, there is movement toward self-realization and transcendent goals in life. You will be divinely supported for your efforts.

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Tanya Vallianos, MA, LPC, ATR, NCC, EMDR III, EAP II is a psychotherapist in private practice in Fort Collins, CO. She can be reached at www.innersunhealingarts.com or 970-420-9504.

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From Work With Love: Creating a Conscious Career That Lasts

Imagining the life that you want is the first step in manifesting it

I admit, my first several years after college were a convoluted path of finding my life purpose and myself. Looking back, there were feelings of conflict and some fear at each new turn, yet there was so much curiosity, excitement and joy within it all, that it out-weighed anything I was struggling with and kept me moving forward.

I rode on possibility, determination, and a dream. So when I hear a client say, “’X’ is my passion, but I can’t see how I can make to work” or “I’m too old to go back to school,” or “I’m really into ‘X’ field, but I don’t believe I’m smart enough to get a degree in it or be successful at it,” I know that she has set herself up for defeat.

I’m a firm believer that anyone can do/be anything they want. I know that finding satisfying work is a vital element in creating a life you love. I have found that it takes calculated risk and sometimes a little luck to develop work that is in alignment with your values and allows you to share your skills and expertise. With tenacity, finding work you love can be accomplished. I have proven that to myself over and over. I didn’t always find my interests to be easy and natural to come by. I usually had to work much harder than my peers to understand and apply information due to a learning disability. Yet it didn’t stop me.

In all that I was learning, I practiced and practiced until I became the expert. I didn’t want to end up middle-aged and broken, in a field that didn’t bring me a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I had witnessed members of my own family complain about their work for decades and I was determined not to be that person in my own life. And believe me, this is more the norm than not. In fact, 70% of US workers surveyed in a Gallup poll in 2013 either hated or were disengaged from their jobs. That’s a great amount of time and energy invested in dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

I know that all too often it’s not as simple as pressing a button to activate a desire to have a fulfilled life. Sometimes life itself gets in the way. Limited belief patterns and habits cause road hurdles, which can hold you back; and it’s only when you confront them head on, that you can then move forward to put a love of life and work back into your life.

As a human on this planet, you are meant to constantly and consistently learn and grow. It is natural to have many emotions, particularly fear, when life changes need to happen. Learning to trust you, above all, is an important part of the process. It allows you to stay in the moment, rather than getting rapped up in past failings or a future that is unknown.

Preparation

Here’s a useful exercise to begin to assist you in finding your life’s work. Write your answers in a journal, so that you have a record and reminder of what you are creating for yourself.

First look at where you are currently:

- Does your work move you? Does it have significance for you? Does it reflect your values?

- Does the work love you? How does your work affect you mentally and physically? Do you feel contented and happy at the end of the day or does it leave with you feeling stressed out and drained?

- Does the work have love in it? What kind of energy goes into the work you do? Is there a sense of purpose and positivity or obligation and duty?

Now answer the following questions:

- What do I care about or have a real interest in?

- What did I enjoy doing as a child?

- What did I imagine at a young age that I wanted to be when I grew up?

- Have other people noticed or commented on what I’m good at?

- Is there a hobby or interest or cause that I take pleasure in?

- How could I make a career out of what I love doing?

- What am I engaged in when time seems to just fly by?

- What kind of people would I like to be around me and my work?

- What can I do right now to take a step closer to doing what I love?

- Whom do I admire that is doing what they love in their lives and I can role model from?

- Whom can I ask to support me and keep me accountable on my path?

Meeting with a trusted friend or mentor—or journaling on your own—can help with uncovering the answers to these important questions and set you on a course for creating a work life that feeds you and provides value for others.

-Tanya Vallianos

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Tanya Vallianos, MA, LPC, ATR, NCC, EMDR III, EAP II is a psychotherapist in private practice in Fort Collins, CO. She can be reached at www.innersunhealingarts.com or 970-420-9504.